New Pirates of the Caribbean Film

After much development and many delays, the fifth film in the powerful Pirates of the Caribbean franchise is set to begin filming in two weeks. Producer Jerry Bruckheimer tweeted a photo from the set:

We hope this film brings a great story as well as a jolt of adrenaline for Johnny Depp's fatigued career. In our opinion, the quality of these stories has been hit-or-miss; but they are visually great, and anything that keeps the spirit of the Golden Age of Piracy alive is good in our book!

Visit Ye Pirate Shoppe for recommendations of pirate media to keep ye content while we await the release.

On Stranger Tides

The fourth installment of the Pirates of the Caribbean series will be released in 2011. It is based, in part, on the award-winning 1988 novel "On Stranger Tides" by celebrated Fantasy/Magical Realism author Tim Powers. It combines piracy with the supernatural, a perfect fit for the PotC franchise. Do yourself a favor and read this book while you're waiting for the movie to come out. We only wonder if they kept Blackbeard in the film script. Powers himself speculates that Blackbeard's role in the tale will be taken on by mutinous first mate Barbossa.

Pyrate Movie Review: Cutthroat Island

In 1995, Renny Harlin, the creative force behind such masterpieces as Exorcist: The Beginning and The Adventures of Ford Fairlane, decided to write and direct a summer blockbuster about pirates. He wrote a script, and talked a studio into greenlighting his project. Then every leading man he approached passed after reading the script.

So what did he do? He revamped the script to make the love interest the main character.

Geena Davis was Harlin's wife at the time. The studio didn't think she was summer blockbuster leading lady material, but evidently Harlin has hypnotic powers. He cast her in the lead and never looked back.

The result? Cutthroat Island is in the Guinness Book of World Records as the worst film flop of all time. Budgeted at $100 million, the film grossed $10 million domestically.

But it's not a terrible movie. It's just not that interesting. The dialogue is bland and cliche-ridden. The direction is uneven: Harlin couldn't decide if his adventure movie should be campy or straight (best guess: he wanted it straight but his wife could only do campy). The plot is not driving; things happen in sequence, but no tension is established. There is a reason this film has been forgotten.

Although the writing and directing are fairly incompetent, the story itself is okay... since it's basically lifted from Treasure Island.

There are some who say, "if you can't say something nice, don't say nothing at all." So let's take a moment to praise the art director. The costumes, ships, props and locations are all gorgeous. If you have a pirate party, project Cutthroat Island on the wall without the sound and play some music. Actually, play the CD of the film soundtrack, because John Debney's musical score is award-winningly good.

This film gave pirates a bad name in hollywood for ten years, and ended Geena Davis' film career. For some reason, the real perpetrator, Renny Harlin, is still being given work.

Two out of five skulls

The Colour of Beards

Seafaring folk of the eighteenth century, like most folk of the eighteenth century, were a superstitious lot. Sailors would only sing songs that mention home when they were on the return leg of their journey. Since whistling was thought to encourage wind, a sailor would never whistle during a storm, for fear of turning a squall into a hurricanoe! And it was generally thought to be very bad luck to cut hair or nails while at sea.

Hair and nail clippings were sacred to Persephone, a Greek demigoddess. So it was considered bad form to make them while your fate rested in the hands of Poseidon, god of the sea. Consequently, many pirates ended up with noticeable beards. Some beards were so noteworthy that the name of the beard is more well known than the name of the man.

Especially Blackbeard. His beard, in addition to being black, was long and wild, and he was known to braid it and weave burning pieces of rope into it-- to terrify opponents.

Bluebeard was not a pirate. Bluebeard is a European folk tale about a character who serially marries and murders women. But this tale is outside the scope of this blogge.

Redbeard was not a pirate, technically. Redbeard was two pirates, probably the most famous of the Barbary corsairs. Baba Aruj and Hayreddin Barbarossa were Ottoman Turks born on the isle of Lesbos (then called Midilli). They and their other two brothers were all seamen in the Mediterranean. Aruj was given a small fleet by an Ottoman Prince in order to fight the Knights of St. John who were interfering with Ottoman trade and shipping. He was later given authorization to raid Italy and other Christian nations on the northern mediterranean coast. When he was killed in battle with Spain, his brother Hayreddin took over his mission. Hayreddin eventually grew wealthy and ultimately became Pasha of Algiers.

Yellowbeard is a pirate-themed comedy film by Graham Chapman of Monty Python. It is an example of a film that was probably ruined by development hell, but the finished product is still quirkily entertaining. Ah, but what might have been, if it had starred Keith Moon and Adam Ant as originally planned...

Check it out for yourself: